TOXIC POSITIVITY

I saw a post recently about something called toxic positivity. I’d never heard the phrase but the impression I have is that it’s being falsely positive. Acting like something’s great when it’s not. Pretending you don’t feel as bad as you do. Groups of people with smiles on their face telling you the world is perfect, (especially if you do what they say). I don’t know if that’s toxic, but it is annoying. And insulting. We can see through it.

HARDWIRED FOR PROBLEMS

Grievers can relate to this too. You know more than anyone you can’t happy-face your way through pain. There are no comparisons to some worse situation that will improve the way you feel. But what I find a more complex and common problem is the habit of negativity. Our brains seem hardwired to look for trouble, to be on the alert for problems, even where none exist, like a protective mechanism.

YOUR BRAIN CAUSING TROUBLE

This may serve us well in the wild, if we’re out hunting dinner, but on a daily basis when we’re just going through the motions of living, our brain’s focus on pending trouble becomes the problem itself. Grievers don’t need any help feeling bad. And when the worst has already happened, there’s not much else that’s going to be as big a problem right now.

CATCH AND RELEASE

It’s easy not to see the habit of negativity taking over, but it does. What can you do about this? Think like a fisherman out for a day of fun. He will catch a fish and then release it. He’ll also do this if the fish is the wrong size or in some other way inappropriate to keep. He removes the hook and returns the fish to the water. You can do this with your negative habits too.

• Notice

• Stop

• Let it go

• Repeat as needed

DISTRACTIONS HELP

This is an area where positive distractions can help. If you’re mulling in negativity, hurt, grief, or anger and can’t seem to let it go, try distracting yourself with something that feels good. Practice a hobby, go on a shopping trip, watch a feel-good movie, go for a walk, take an exercise class, plan a trip, share a meal with a friend. Do something positive, even when you’re feeling negative. It will give your soul a chance to repair. In time, these small tricks of the brain will lead you out of such dark and gloomy waters.

Feel better today.

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Holiday Season Grief

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