The holidays are difficult when you’re grieving. They’re filled with memories, cheerful music, food, and happy greetings that feel like intrusions to your grief. Everything about the holidays feels wrong now. Somehow, all that happiness does the opposite of what it’s supposed to do. It makes you sad. This celebratory state is foreign to what’s become your norm. It’s like stepping out in the snow to find everyone wearing swimsuits. What’s wrong with them all? Can’t they feel your cold?
No one else can experience this exactly as you are now. Even another griever can’t share your precise feelings. You will have to make a choice about how to experience this holiday. No matter what you do, it won’t feel like it used to. I encourage you to trust your instincts and do what seems best, even if it’s simply the thing that’s least miserable. If you stay in bed all day waiting for it to be over, do one thing that acknowledges the holiday. Something that makes it different from other days.
Simple suggestions for acknowledging a holiday you don’t want to celebrate:
Light a candle
Take a walk
Reach out to someone else who’s grieving or suffering
Observe an animal. Squirrels don’t know it’s a holiday
Sing
Write a letter to the one you lost
I found it was helpful to do something small that served as a private way to honor my pain, the loss, and the continuing struggle of everyday life. Don’t ignore the holiday entirely because that disregards not only the day but your own suffering of it. From Companion in Grief: “As you ride out the torrent of this storm, take comfort in the certainty that you are living through one of our greatest human mysteries and you are safe. The storm will pass, you will land safely, you’ll feel the sun on your soul again.”
More:
Letters To Your Deceased Loved One
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