Death brings us to the hardest transition we’ll face in this life. We are here, and then gone. Perhaps we go somewhere else, but maybe not. We witness this transition when our loved ones die and we remain here with our feet on certain ground. And yet, our situation seems even worse, being left with a shadow of love. All of you grieving for your person now gone are quite familiar with this biggest of transitions. Somehow I have found that after being slammed into this new reality, the smaller transitions bring even more fear and upset than they once did.
Returning home after being away was so hard after my late husband died. I rushed to it, in a hurry to return to my familiar chair and beloved pets–happy to see me no matter how miserable I was. But once I got there, it was hard to walk back in the door. It happened again and again, and I couldn’t make sense of it. I knew he was gone, just as he had been when I left, but the emptiness was more harsh upon returning. I came to see it as another transition. A miniscule one compared to what I’d known, but perhaps every tiny transition now comes with its own tremors simply by association.
There are times today when this still happens, even when I’ve forgotten the association. Some sadness or mood will seep in unnoticed until I finally make the connection again. Ah, it’s just a transition. Our bodies have remarkable memories. The next time you are surprised by a sadness you didn’t expect, look for the simple causes. What were you just doing, what was your last thought, what person or thing did you recently encounter? Perhaps the sadness is stored there. Then you return to the usual transition of your day and your body refuses to cooperate.
Our recovery is resilient, thankfully. All we need is to give that thought or feeling its due. Sit down and welcome the sadness to you. Close your eyes and walk through the dark place. It doesn’t usually take long for the worst of it to lift. You can be sure it has lightened when you feel a bit bored with the practice. When you think of something to eat, or something else you meant to do, then you have probably finished the job. Don’t let it have more than fifteen minutes. We are treading water here, not drowning.
There are transitions all around us now. Globally, we humans are transitioning through some historic moments whose story hasn’t yet finished. In times like this, we look for strength in other humans, some reminder that we’re going to be okay. If you can’t find that person, then strive to be that person for others. The effort to help them will make you do the work you must to get through your own struggle. In that way, we heal ourselves by offering strength to others. May you learn to pass through the transitions of your day with ease.
Be kind. Be peaceful. Be loved.
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